Tired

4:45 am is early. Add a baby who was fussy all day and refused to sleep unless being held. Plus a toddler who only naps for an hour a day. AND a husband who is sick, so his normal 9 - 11 pm shift with the baby? Mine today. Lets hope that for my sanity Brian is feeling better tomorrow.

On the other hand, times like this living with the parents comes in handy. ESPECIALLY on Saturday mornings when they're both home.

Daily

I have this conversation multiple times a day with Kalena.

Kalena: Dada?

Me: Dada is at work.

Kalena: Ba?

(Ba is her word for grandpa, my dad.)

Me: Ba is at work.

Kalena: Dada?

Me: Dada is at work.

Kalena: Ba?

Me: Ba is at work.

Kalena thinks for a minute.

Then, in her most hopeful voice: Dada?

Apparently I'm not too high on her list of favorite people.

We also play our own little version of Marco Polo when I leave the room. When she realizes I'm gone she'll yell "maMA!" and I'll answer "KaleNA!" and that will go back and forth until she finds me. Sometimes she'll only yell once, like she just wants to make sure I'm still around somewhere. It's pretty cute actually.

Maybe I'll just do a whole series about Kalena and food

Most mornings I drink slim fast for breakfast.* The powdered kind that you mix yourself, not the cans. This means that what Kalena sees is me with a big glass of chocolate milk. Obviously she doesn't know the difference between slim fast and plain old chocolate milk. So then she wants some. And today she decided she'd just help me out with making her some chocolate milk.

I love that the Nesquik container is like half as tall as she is. By the way, some mornings, if she's not interested in eating, I just give her slim fast in her sippy cup. Genius or bad parenting?

*This really has nothing to do with weight loss, (although, joining Weight Watchers again next week) I drink it because I like it.

Delicious!

After she asked for a third helping, we finally just gave her the (mostly empty) bowl. What can I say? The girl likes her garlic mashed potatoes.

Two wins for the weekend

Win number 1:

I fit in my pre-pregnancy jeans! At least, the one pair I could find. Granted, they're a little tight, but they zip and button and everything.

Win number 2:

Kalena successfully used the potty! At her own request even. We haven't really been doing any "training" so to speak, just trying to get her to make the associations. But a few times recently (including this afternoon) she's taken off her diaper, so I guess I need to be doing a little more with the potty training.

Any weekend wins you want to tell me?

Tagged

Kari tagged me, so here goes.

10 Years Ago:

10 years ago I was 17 and a junior in high school.

5 Years Ago:

5 years ago I was 22 and just a few months away from graduating college.

5 Months Ago:

5 months ago I was halfway through my pregnancy with Will and I was just about to turn 27. We were still getting settled in at my parents house after getting laid off and leaving Texas.

5 Things on my To Do list today:

Fold the laundry in the dryer

Go to Target

Pay some bills

Figure out what to have for dinner

Work on my lesson for Sunday

5 Snacks I enjoy:

Microwave popcorn

Cold cereal

Cheese and crackers

Pop Tarts (we don't keep these around, because otherwise I would eat them all the time.)

Munchies (the cheese kind)

5 Things I would do if I were suddenly a billionaire:

Pay off all our debt

Get a really good financial advisor and invest a bunch of money

Share the money with our families

Build a house

Hire a night nanny (or at least seriously consider it)

5 Of my bad habits:

Procrastination

Letting the mail sit around instead of dealing with it

General laziness

Wearing my pajamas all day

Not getting my hair trimmed often enough (like, ever)

5 Places I have lived:

Grand Junction Colorado

Golden Colorado

Midland Texas

Council Bluffs Iowa

Lakewood Colorado

5 Things people don't know about me:

I don't know how to drive a stick shift

I can play piano, violin, and viola (but I'm not very good at ANY of them)

I have never dyed my hair, not even with the wash out stuff

I am really awful at word games and puzzles

I'm not a germ-a-phobe except on airplanes- everything on airplanes grosses me out

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you're bored, feel free to consider yourself tagged!

I need to work on that

I was on Facebook this morning looking at pictures when I realized that I should probably update my profile picture. Because, while it's a cute picture of me holding Kalena, it was taken last Easter. So it's a little out of date. I thought one of me holding Will would be good, although what I really wanted was one of me with BOTH kids. But as it turns out I don't have either. In the last 4 weeks I have taken ZERO pictures of me with my kids! Okay, that's not exactly right. I have 2 shots of me with Will at the hospital but they're RIGHT after he was born and I'm nursing him in both of them so not posting those. Plus we have the one professional family picture, but it's not digital (and technically I don't have the rights to post it online anyway.)

Anyway, I thought for sure I would have ended up with one from Christmas morning but nope. Nothing. I guess that's what happens when you're the only one who TAKES the pictures. I have plenty of pictures of BRIAN with the kids. Just not me. So I guess I need to work on that. And until I get a picture with the kids I'll settle for this one as my profile picture.

4 weeks

Will was 4 weeks old yesterday (and where those 4 weeks went I have NO idea.) My dad was asking the other day if we'd noticed any big differences between Will and Kalena when she was this age. So here's a quick comparison.

Will doesn't eat NEARLY as often. Kalena would have nursed all day every day if I let her. (And some days she came close.) She also took a pacifier pretty much any time she wasn't nursing. Will generally eats every 2 or 3 hours although he usually cluster feeds at some point during the day, eating every hour or so. He will take a pacifier, but doesn't need one.

Will is also a MUCH better sleeper than Kalena. Kalena pretty much only slept in the sling or if I nursed her. And at night she would sometimes be up for hours at a time. Will does pretty well at night, although he doesn't usually settle down for the night until 10:30 or 11:00 pm. During the day he'll sleep in the bouncer or sometimes just laying on the bed. (Usually the bouncer because it's much more convenient.)

He hates having his diaper changed, but he also HATES having a wet or dirty diaper so no point in putting off the changing. Kalena didn't seem to mind the dirty diapers so much.

One of the biggest differences is how aware Kalena was at 4 weeks. When she was that old most of the comments we got (besides the ones about how much she looks like Brian) were about how alert she was. (That was probably because she NEVER slept.) By 4 weeks she was smiling in response to people (specifically my dad and my sister in law Amy-- they could get her to smile every time they talked to her); Will has only had gas smiles. Also, she had already laughed at 4 weeks! Crazy. Definitely no laughing here yet.

I'm looking forward to seeing how different or similar they are as they get older.

Caption this

For a few days last week we had a mirror leaned up against the kitchen counter. EVERY time Kalena walked by it she had to check out her reflection. So you tell me, if she could talk, what would she be saying here?

P.S. In case you're wondering, yes that's dust on the mirror. It had been sitting between the side of the dryer and the wall before it was out.

Family pictures

It seems my family is making a habit of taking family pictures right after I have a baby. Last time we took family pictures was in Hawaii when Kalena was 9 weeks old. (You can see those pictures here.) So when we found out the whole family would be here for Christmas this year, my mom wanted to get some family pictures done. My first thought was, "COME ON! I'm going to be fat in the family pictures AGAIN!" But I was willing to sacrifice so we could have an updated family picture. Because even though we took some in Hawaii not everyone was there. So the family picture hanging in our dining room? Is from the last time we had a family picture with everyone, and since it was taken we've acquired 9 more people (3 spouses and 6 grandkids.) It's been there awhile.

We also thought we should do some just of the cousins (separately from the family ones-- we had really cute dressy outfits for them.) BUT, as you may recall, I was actually due on Christmas eve so scheduling was interesting. The only days everyone would be here were Saturday and Sunday, the 26th and 27th (all the kids would be there before that.) That meant Saturday was our only option for the whole group and then we scheduled the cousins picture for Christmas eve in the hopes that Will would make his arrival in time for them.

As you know Will DID make his arrival by then so he got to do his first photo shoot

at 2 days old. We had a family friend do them (you can see her website here) and they turned out pretty cute. She had quite the challenge: 6 kids, the oldest was 23 months old (and the youngest 2 days old), 3 of them under 6 months old. Also, Kalena was SO not sure what to think about Will at that point. And no adults in the pictures, so no one to hold kids and keep them happy. Here's my favorite shot. It doesn't have everyone in it, but I just think it's adorable. Especially Amelia:)

So that was Thursday, then on Saturday we had the whole family picture. We had those done at Mauch Photography. (If you live in Grand Junction I'm sure you know that name.) We actually live down the street from the Mauchs and they've done lots of pictures for us in the past. Robin, the owner, did our pictures for us and she is amazing. She arranged us and got shots of the whole family as well as each of the family groups within a half an hour. They turned out really well, although in the picture we chose Will had his hands in front of his face. It was okay though, they just swapped his head with another shot where you can see his face. And now we'll have this picture on the wall for the next 10 years or so. I guess being 4 days postpartum is better than being 40 weeks pregnant in the picture right?

A day late. Whoops!

Apparently, yesterday was delurking day and nobody told me! I had to find out by reading other blogs. So, even though I'm a day late, comment and let me know you're here! Need a comment topic? Tell me your favorite time of day. I myself am a morning person. I wake up energetic so I am most productive in the morning. Plus, Kalena is an early bird so mornings are her happy time, which makes my mornings even better.

By the way, you don't have to be a lurker to comment today. I want to hear from all my readers. Pretty please?

Funny how kids change your perspective

Obviously life changes when you have a child. And when life changes, your perspective changes. You have to adjust to a new "normal." For instance, I never thought I would think of 7 am as sleeping in but these days it DEFINITELY is. But I did not realize how much things would change again with a second child. I guess I figured the big adjustment was from not being a parent to being a parent.

So I was surprised the other day when the family was going out to dinner and even though Brian offered, I wanted to stay at home with the baby because, "it would be a nice break." When Kalena was a newborn I didn't EVER want Brian to leave the house; for the first few weeks it actually made me anxious to be alone with her. Now I find it relaxing to be alone with a newborn? Definitely more relaxing than trying to feed dinner to a toddler in a restaurant. Also, when it was just Kalena, I spent lots of time thinking, "I'll do that when Kalena is sleeping." Kalena NEVER slept enough to get all the things on that list done, but I still thought it ALL THE TIME. Now? I find myself thinking, "well, might as well do it now since I'll never have a minute to myself for the REST OF MY LIFE." I think I'm actually more productive with two kids than I was with one. (Not that I set the bar that high...) Any big perspective changes you had after having kids?

What do YOU do all day?

That is an entirely different question than "what do you DO all day?" This is for all you stay at home moms out there. I want to hear what your day is like. I'm trying to get into a routine with two kids and sometimes I just don't know what to do with Kalena. Right now I'm still in the sleep deprived haze so movie watching is much more liberal than usual, but that's not going to go on forever. I still don't have a car (sad) so I can't go anywhere during the day. She plays with her toys and we work puzzles, read books, sing songs and that sort of thing, but sometimes the day just seems to go on and on. I want to hear from all my expert readers: when do you fit in chores or exercise or hobbies? Are there some things that you always wait until your kids are sleeping to do? So, leave me a comment and tell me what YOU do during the day.

Holding the baby

Kalena is definitely showing more interest in the baby now that things are settling back down from the holidays. She still requests that I put him down when she thinks I've been holding him too much, but she also likes to point at him and tell me that he's sleeping, or help me bounce him in the bouncer. But the other day was the first time she wanted to hold him.

My kids. I still can't believe we have two of them.

It's the little things

Kalena is at that age when kids get fixated on certain things. She wants to read the same books over and over, play with the same toys all the time, and watch the same thing on TV repeatedly. I would find this annoying except I know it could be SO much worse. She could have a favorite book that I hate. Or continuously play with toys that I find obnoxious. Or want to watch TV that grates on my nerves. Fortunately, this is not the case.

Her book of choice? One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Or, as she says, "Ish? Ish?" She requests it several times a day, and it's the only book she'll let you read her before bed. I pretty much have it memorized. In fact, I'm sure I know every page, I'm just not sure I could recite the whole thing in order. Maybe though. I read it a LOT.

The favorite toys right now? Her shape sorters (we have 3) and a wooden puzzle (the kind with the lift out pieces) with things that represent Holland. That one was a Christmas gift from Brian's parents and so far it's the favorite from this Christmas. She can get all the shapes in the shape sorters by herself and she knows where every piece of the puzzle goes, but she still wants someone to "help" her with them. The best part is that she'll try to put a shape or puzzle piece where she KNOWS it doesn't go and then say "Noooo." She'll do that a few times before she puts it in the right spot. I'm sure she does it because I used to tell her "no" if she tried a piece in the wrong spot.

And the only TV she ever wants to watch are the nursery rhyme clips or one particular 10 minute show about animals. Yes, they get a little repetitive, but they aren't overly obnoxious and I don't mind singing the nursery rhymes with her a couple times a day.

So when I want to be frustrated with the repetitiveness, I try to be grateful that I LIKE Dr. Seuss. And that shape sorters and puzzles are really toys I WANT her to be playing with. And that nursery rhymes are something I would sing with her anyway. And that's what I try to remember when I have Wheels on the Bus stuck in my head. Or when I go to say goodnight to someone and I can't help following up with "It is time to sleep. So we will sleep with our pet Zeep. Today is gone. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." Because sometimes the book gets stuck in my head even more than the songs.

I forgot the crazy part

Don't ask me how I forgot this part of the birth story. While Will's body was being delivered the umbilical cord snapped. For no apparent reason. The doctor said she sees that sometimes if the cord is wrapped around the neck, but his wasn't. Did you know that when an umbilical cord snaps it can get blood all the way across a hospital room? Well, now you do.

Also, I know I mentioned in that first post that my heart rate was high, but I don't think I ever actually said how high. Most of the time I was being monitored it was around 125 bpm. High enough that the anesthesiologist made the nurse take my temperature again because he couldn't believe my heart rate was that high without me running a fever. He said he was worried about me having some sort of infection.

An upside

As I said in my last post, Kalena is up bright and early and Will has been sleeping his mornings away. The big upside to this is that it means Kalena gets lots of mommy time in the morning before Will starts being needy. This is good because as far as I can tell, Kalena's neediness these days is based ENTIRELY on how needy Will is at the moment. If he's sleeping in the bouncer? She's happy to entertain herself. If he's crying and I pick him up? She is right in front of me needing "Up! Up!" (in her whiniest 19 month old voice.)

This definitely makes for hard afternoons when Kalena is getting tired (and thus whiney already) and Will is cluster feeding. Kalena usually starts pointing at the baby and then at the bouncer and signing "please" over and over because she wants me to put him down. But mostly she's good. She likes to watch me change his diaper and she'll bring me a diaper or pacifier (sometimes when I ask, sometimes just when *she* thinks he needs one) and she wants to help hold to bottle anytime we give him one. Now if only she would start sleeping until like 8 am life would be perfect:)

Two week check

The little man had his two week check on Monday. He weighed in at 8 lbs 5.5 oz and measured 20 1/4 inches long. He weighed 7 lbs 7.5 oz at his two day check so he's gained almost a pound since then.

Because life is cruel, Will is a morning sleeper. Kalena, as we all know, is not. She gets up around 6 every morning. Will generally nurses around 6 and then goes back to sleep for another 3 hours or so. Unfortunately this all means I actually have to get up earlier than I have been, because I either have to wake the baby to nurse him or pump before Kalena wakes up. Luckily he's been letting me get some sleep at night, usually 3 or 4 hours at a time. Of course, now that I've written about sleep habits they'll all change, because that's how things work. And now, a picture. Because who doesn't want to see pictures of a sleeping 2 week old?

The arrival

First, a note on getting an epidural. I was never anti-epidural, but as many of you know, I did want to try to go without. And maybe if I hadn't been in prodromal labor for so long things might have gone differently. But I was so tired by the FIRST time we left for the hospital that I was ready for an epidural then. That was around 8:30 pm remember? And then I had to labor for another NINE AND A HALF HOURS before I finally got one. Even after the 9 1/2 hours the contractions weren't the worst pain I've ever been in. Physically the worst pain I've ever had was kidney stones but MENTALLY I couldn't cope anymore. I remember telling Brian over and over that I wanted an epidural so I could just sleep. That was all. I'm pretty sure that my body was getting a little stressed out from being in labor for so long. My blood pressure came down after I got the epidural, but my heart rate stayed high until a few hours after I delivered.

Anyway, after I got the epidural and the doctor talked to us it was shift change so we got a new nurse. YAY! It turned out to be a girl I knew from high school which seems like it could be awkward, but it really wasn't. She was an excellent nurse and we were SO happy to switch. After everything settled it was about 7 am and finally time for some sleeping. My doctor predicted I'd have the baby around noon and I thought 5 hours of sleep sounded SUPER. But as luck would have it, our nurse came in around 10 am and said the baby was doing some funny things on the monitor and that might indicate that it was about time to push. So she checked and said I was just about complete and that she'd call the doctor. By 10:15 my doctor was there and pushing ensued. Roughly half an hour later Will arrived!

I was surprised that the pushing stage was so quick since I had an epidural. I never felt any urge to push. Actually, I could hardly tell when contractions were starting, so mostly they just told me when to push and I did. I guess I did it well though.

Afterward was quite a different experience than we had with Kalena. I got to hold him immediately, he nursed right away, and he didn't go to the nursery until 11 pm (for a weight and hearing check) and then only stayed for an hour. Kalena, as you may or may not know, was taken immediately because she needed to be on oxygen, I didn't get to hold her (or nurse her) for 40 hours after she was born, and she only got to stay in our room the last night we were in the hospital. And, of course, not having to have major abdominal surgery was nice too:) I did have some unexpected side effects though. Like my face and shoulders being sore afterward. The nurse told me that can happen, caused by pushing. Who knew?

And there you have it. The whole story.

The nurse we hated

Alright, hate is a strong word. But I'm still using it. After my water broke (just after 2 am) we went back to the hospital. We got put in a room and introduced to our new nurse. We told her we were back because my water broke and she seemed skeptical. She couldn't confirm with the pH swabs that it was actually broken (she was so stupid I'm not even going to go into it.) She checked me and I was at 4 cm. So she puts me on the monitors and leaves the room. Immediately Brian notices that the monitor that's supposed to be for my contractions? Not picking up anything. And the monitor for the baby? Picking up my heart rate. She comes back 20 minutes or so later to adjust the monitor for the baby, but as soon as she leaves it's picking up my heart rate again. She comes back after another 15 minutes or so and tells me I'm going to have to lie down because she can't get the baby on the monitor. I told her no because a) having contractions lying down was WAY more painful and b) the other nurse managed to keep the baby on the monitor. So she adjusts the monitor once more and leaves. And after she leaves? Monitor is picking up MY heart rate again. At this point I adjusted the monitor myself. I found the baby just fine THANKYOUVERYMUCH and managed to keep him on the monitor until the next time she checked on me.

I'd been there for about an hour when she called my doctor. And I'm pretty sure the conversation involved this nurse telling my doctor that I *thought* my water broke but that it hadn't and that I wasn't really having contractions (because that contraction monitor? Never adjusted, so it was never picking up anything.) So my doctor told my nurse to have me walk around for 2 hours. And when the nurse told us that, the first thing Brian said was, "I don't think she's going to make it 2 hours." But she left and I "walked" around the room for about an hour. Mostly I stood leaned over the sink or the table in the room. And after an hour my legs were so shaky I was a little worried that I would fall (I am sure this was a result of the TIRED and not the contractions) so I got back in bed and got monitored there for another hour or so. Then my nice nurse from earlier came in and checked me and I was at about 4.5 cm. This was just before 5 am Tuesday morning. At this point they called my doctor again and she okayed my getting an epidural.

First I needed an IV. Remember that my first nurse got the IV on the first try? Right, well, they should have just left that one there because this nurse couldn't get one. And then the anesthesiologist came in and HE couldn't get one. They stuck me in like 7 places and it took an HOUR before they finally had an IV placed. At this point I'd been having contractions for a million years (alright, only since Sunday afternoon) and I'd been awake for over 24 hours. I was SO tired that I was actually nodding off while sitting up and having them stick needles in me trying to get the IV. All I wanted was to sleep. After they FINALLY got the IV they gave me some fentanyl so I wouldn't feel the contractions while the anesthesiologist placed the epidural. I wouldn't have thought I could be MORE tired but the fentanyl did it. Brian was worried I would fall asleep and fall off the bed while they did the epidural. (He was worried about that because I was leaning on him while they did it.)

So, IV in, epidural done, and my doctor gets there. She tells me she's going to check me and break my water. I told her it already broke but obviously this nurse told her otherwise because she just said, "well, we'll see." But then she checks and says that, yes, it's definitely already broken. (We were glad to note that the nurse was there to hear that.) And I was at 5 cm. My doctor said the plan now was for everyone to have a nap and then wake up and have a baby! Sounds like a good plan to me.

The beginning

I know lots of people don't care about birth stories, but I like them so I'm posting mine.

As I said in this post I was having contractions painful enough to wake me up starting on Saturday night (about once an hour.) They continued all day Sunday anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes apart until late in the evening when they slowed down to every 30 minutes or so. Unfortunately that meant I woke up every half hour all night Sunday night. I was tired Monday morning. I timed contractions all day Monday; they started off about 8 minutes apart and by the time I posted that evening they had been every 2 -4 minutes for several hours. By the time we left for the hospital around 8:30 pm Monday I was exhausted. Exhausted enough that I wasn't doing so well with pain management anymore. When we left I told Brian that if I wasn't at least at 5 cm I was going to get an epidural just so I could get some sleep.

We got to the hospital, got checked in, and the nurse checked me. I was at 3 cm. BOOOOO. I was also a little dehydrated so the nurse started an IV (on her first try-- that will come into play later) and put on the monitors. My doctor happened to be at the hospital in surgery so they called her and she came in as soon as the surgery was over. At this point we'd probably been there for an hour so I was not excited when my doctor checked me and I was still at 3 cm. My doctor wanted to monitor me for another hour and send me home if there was no change by then. My hope at this point was that having the IV fluids would either a) put me into active labor or b) cause my contractions to stop so I could go home and sleep.

A couple side notes here. My blood pressure was up at this point. Not high enough to worry, but definitely high for my baseline. Also, my heart rate was high. Like seriously high. I don't think I saw it drop below 94 bpm the whole time I was being monitored. The baby wasn't particularly cooperative with the monitors; he was moving a lot and our sweet nurse kept having to come in and adjust the monitors to pick up his heart rate instead of mine.

After the hour of monitoring, my doctor came back in checked me. Still at 3 cm. Which means, not active labor and they're sending me home. So 2 days worth of contractions? Just prodromal labor. Unfortunately the IV fluids haven't stopped the contractions, so I was still having contractions every few minutes as we left the hospital. That was around midnight. Not how I wanted to walk away from L&D. Once we got home I took 2 benedryl in the hopes that it would allow me to sleep through the contractions. That didn't work, but I still tried to sleep because at this point I was just deliriously tired. Finally, after 2 hours of not sleeping, my water broke. Time to go back to the hospital.

Let's do the confessions before the resolutions

So, I still haven't finished Kalena's baby book. It's mostly done, but there are still a few pages that need finished and just a few pictures I need to print and add. I also didn't finish the receiving blankets. I have fabric cut and ready to sew, but that's as far as I got. Although, every time I swaddle him in a store sized blanket I remember why I wanted to make these ones. Anyway, there it is. I had 4 projects I wanted to do last year and I only finished 2 of them. Sad.

I haven't made any resolutions for this new year yet. Which is good because otherwise I'm sure I would have broken them already. Right now I'm just focused on what I'm going to do on Monday when I'm all alone with two kids for the first time. YIKES.

We'll think about the resolutions in a few weeks. Did you resolve anything this year?

My thoughts on last year

Dear 2009,

In short: you sucked. I lost my job, my dog died, my car died, we moved in with my parents, our house continues not to sell and we were just informed by our homeowners insurance that they won't insure us anymore after March because the house is vacant. Our sweet new baby sneaked in before the new year, otherwise not so much with the good stuff.

I'm not sorry to see you go.

~Elsha

Dear 2010,

Please, please, PLEASE be better than 2009. Thanks.

~Elsha